Last night's season five premiere of The Hills was relatively uneventful. In short: Heidi and Spencer are still fighting...Heidi flees back into the arms of her mother in Colorado...Spencer reaches out to ex-best friend Brody...Heidi reaches out to ex-best friend Lauren...Stephanie is still conveniently shady and back-stabbing everyone...Lauren and Brody meet-up to discuss how awesome they are and how Spencer and Heidi are SOL because they've just now figured this.

Honestly, we like Chelsea Handler's Hills x Law & Order reantment much better than the real thing. Watch to see what would hypothetically happen if Heidi, in collaboration with Spencer, killed Lauren's boyfriend Brody. Indeed, it's hilarious.

Okay, so Anya didn't say our title for this post last night on America's Next Top Model. Sad, we know It would have been pretty amazing. But she did receive a $10,000 check from 7-up after she won the party challenge as well as an advertisement with the beverage company.

How gorgeous and relaxed did Lauren look at that faux party? By appearances alone, I would have never guessed she was a closeted psycho who revels in the occasional forty ounce. Oh! Almost forgot. She nearly cut off her thumb trying to make potato pancakes. Yeah, we love her.

Anyways, Fatima skipped this week's photo shoot because she had to get her legal papers to travel abroad and still managed not to get kicked off -- sending a visibly upset Stacey Ann home.